I’m that Mom, the Sleep Nazi

I'm that Mom, the Sleep NaziYou know those moms who are obsessed with a schedule, put their children to bed freakishly early, and are always leaving abruptly to get their kids home at a certain time? 

I’m one of them. 

Because… well… how do I put this… 

ME AND SLEEP ARE FRIGGIN’ BESTIES.

Since the day I had my baby, my life became ruled by sleep. I spent the first few months of motherhood in an exhaustion-induced haze, wondering if I’d ever be able to function properly again. I would dream about dreaming of sleep (with my eyes wide open while nursing a baby), but my child was always awake. My child was awake during the day. My child was awake during the night. MY CHILD WAS ALWAYS AWAKE, I TELL YOU! I wasn’t blessed with one of those “oh, well my baby sleeps like 95% of the day, and I even miss him while he’s sleeping sometimes” babies. And after many grueling weeks of sleep-training, screaming, rocking, and tears (mostly mine), I finally found that sweet, sweet, oh-so-gosh-darn awesomely sweet spot. I found the perfect time to put my child down. I learned exactly which sleep cues to look for, and knew that I only had about a 10-minute window to act on them, or else. I nailed the perfect schedule, and you bet your bottom dollar, I was not about to give that up easily.

And ever since, I have become a devout follower of the sacred schedule. We plan our grocery trips, playdates, and outings around the baby’s naps. Because those quiet, savory hours when baby is sleeping? That’s when I become human again. Sometimes I shower. Sometimes I put jeans on. Sometimes I even knock out a load of laundry or two and have time leftover to creep on Facebook and Instagram.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t you EVER make an exception? Don’t you EVER just chill and let your baby skip a nap or stay up late for special occasions?

Yes. Yes I do. And I can count the number of times I’ve done it on one hand.

Because when I do, my baby gets overtired. And when my baby gets overtired, she doesn’t sleep well. When she doesn’t sleep well, she wakes up really, really early. When she wakes up early, she boycotts her schedule. And then? All Hell breaks loose. One missed nap or late night turns into a week-long spiraling-out-of-control catastrophic sleep war of doom. And as a stay-at-home mom, that basically just means my job sucks for an entire week, all because I let her skip a nap.

And you know what else? The reality is, when 7pm rolls around every night, my daughter is downright exhausted. We basically just throw her in her crib and head straight downstairs to party for 3 or more glorious baby-free, Netflix-filled hours of pure bliss. There’s no fuss, no crying it out, no nothin.’ I mean, she is literally out the moment her head hits the bed. And then? She sleeps for 12 hours straight without waking. That’s why bedtime is so early. Not because I’m some uptight undies-in-a-bunch Miss Trunchbull. As a matter of fact, when we keep her up later, she actually wakes up earlier. Does it make sense? No. But that’s a fact, folks.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no dummy. I’m well aware that when baby#2 arrives, things are going to change a lot around here. I know, I know. Baby #2 will likely spend a lot of time in the carseat, sleep when/if the carpooling schedule allows, and be deprived of the luxuries baby#1 has so obliviously enjoyed. Which is exactly why I’m stickin’ to the schedule while I still can.

Because when the baby sleeps well, I sleep well. Simple as that.

The way I see it, you have two options when it comes to sleep. You can be one of those relaxed, go-with-the-flow cool moms, or you can be a hardcore stickler.

Me? I am a better contributor to society when I practice the latter.

Yeah, I’m that mom, the Sleep Nazi.

(Mess with my daughter’s sleep and there’ll be “NO SLEEP FOR YOU!”)

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A Thank You to The Greatest Mom on Earth

A Thank You to the Greatest Mom on Earth

Dear Mom,

I’ve always known that I had the greatest mom on earth. But, I’m ashamed to admit that, never in all my years did I stop to think about all the reasons why I felt that way. I never thought about how much effort actually went into the meals cooked and the meals cleaned up, the hours worked in the home and out of the home, or the fact that you would drop anything for me at a moment’s notice. I always knew you would do those things. I relied on you to do those things. But I didn’t think about the time, the effort, and the selflessness that actually went into doing those things. I never thought about how much of your life you invested completely in me. 

And then I had a baby.

And just like that, I saw your love in a whole new light. Growing up, you always told me, 

“On the day you were born, your heart connected to mine. You are my treasure, my delight, and my sweetest song. I will carry you in my heart, forever and always.”

And suddenly, I understood exactly what you meant. I understood just how much you loved me.

And for that, I need to say,

Thank you.

I know it’s well overdue. 

I’m so thankful for all of the things that you’ve done for me, mom.

For coming running in the night when I called your name.

For the countless butts and boogies wiped.

For all of the rides to practice, and the hours spent on the sidelines, cheering me on.

For all the tantrums endured and the wars waged.

For timing over 10,000 handstands in the pool and races through the yard.

For being the designated holder of all the things, and professional finder of the missing.

For mourning with me over a broken heart.

For the birthday treats bought, the snacks packed, and the goodies baked.

I’m so thankful for all of the things that you’ve taught me, mom.

For teaching me to be an encourager, and to see the glass half-full.

For teaching me that the laundry can wait, and that life is too short to say no to an impromptu shopping trip.

For making me get a job, and teaching me the value of hard work.

For always putting others before yourself, and showing me how to have a generous heart.

For trusting me to make my own decisions, and allowing me to learn from my mistakes.

For teaching me about Jesus, and living life intentionally.

And most of all, for teaching me everything I’ve ever needed to know through the way you’ve lived your life.

I’m so thankful for all of the things that you’ve given up for me, mom.

For the sleep lost and the wrinkles gained.

For the dreams changed, put on hold, or abandoned to help pursue mine.

For the last bite of dessert surrendered.

For the meals missed, the clean clothes dirtied, and the naps interrupted. 

For the mini-van in place of the BMW.

For the datenights missed, the free-time sacrificed, and the years invested.

For putting aside your very life, for mine.  

Thank you, mom. 

My heart has been connected to yours since the day I was born. You are my treasure, my confidant, and one of God’s greatest gifts. You’ve made this life a delight, the sweetest of songs. I will carry you in my heart, forever and always.
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